Today I am writing about caring for parent. These topic will never see daylight and mostly are avoided by each and every family members as the responsbility is too huge to be discussed and nobody knows how its going to turn out to be when there’s anything happen. I for one, does not want to imagine at all, nor am I brave enough to prepare myself if the day comes.

I am sure everyone knows how our parents love us, whether they show their affection directly or indirectly. Who are we to say they should do this or should not do that when no parents have any training to be a parent. As if there is an institution for a Degree for Parenting or perhaps Master PhD for Parenting.  Our parents love us the way they know how, not the way we want them to, if you agree with me.

Last week, my colleague share a story on ‘ Parent does not own a child’. I dont understand why does a parent not own a child when the children is theirs. But after she share with me the story, if you are not a parent perhaps you may not understand how it hurts to know that the child is never owned by the father or mother no matter how much love and sacrifices the parents has given. The father and mother does not own their children because when their children grown up, enter adulthood and have family of their own, they are on their own, they make decisions on their own, they live on their own, they earn a living on their own and they WANT TO BE on their Own. Parents is their guidance, parents become the ground they fall on when they fail, parents is their security but parents still does not own them because parents cannot control their child anymore. The child who once born into this world who need the parents for the love and care are now an independent individual.  The love that the parents give to their child are endless and unmeasurable no matter what / how, or even if their children is just a pure evil from hell. But children on the other hand may not love back their parent the same way and may even fight and hate or even stop caring for the parents if things does not go their way. Hence, the blame and many sobs story that turn family relationship sour.

A moment of self reflection? I couldn’t agree more for what my colleague shared that day. Yes, we want to be independent, yes we want to have our OWN time, OWN family, OWN life. Then I thought, how about our parents? They included us in everything and everypart of their life, but did we? or Did I do the same to my old and fragile and lonely parents? I feel so awful because they have spend their whole life to provide for us, for their child and now, they are old and the children all grown up have the life of their own and they are at home, waiting for the children to spend some time with them. Lonely and time is ticking. Then when their health deteriorate, who is to care for them?

Have you ever ask yourself, How to be a filial child? When the parents aging, or when the time comes the topic of Inheritance, End of Life Decision, Dividing Assets, Senior housing/ Nursing Homes, getting a Maid, Resigning from Work to care for the Parents. All these are painful decisions that most of the time break a family to dust.

When my mother in law was hospitalised in ICU, I am actually quite scare to hear about the decision time. As a daughter in law I do not want to interfere nor have any say. It is up to the children to decide. It is a painful decision no matter how the family member reason with the situation, there is no right or wrong but its still a decision no one can avoid, humaine or not humaine is never a question. It is their mother who they have to let go, to tell the medical officer what they should do. I think my MIL love her children so much that she survived for a month, prepared us for the worst and took her last breath peacefully in her sleep.

All these years, Hubby and his elder sister was not the one who care for the mum, due to logistic the elder brother took care of MIL. I praise my BIL and his  wife  as they both showered MIL with so much love and attention and they raised their children well to love MIL so much. My MIL has many illnesses due to old age, bed sores and severe eczema and I see from my own eyes, how my SIL care for the old lady who give birth to the son, her husband and she treat my MIL like her own mother with so much care and love that I felt touch and I question myself many times. Can I do that? Can I do that? I can assure you, I cant! I dont know how, but I cant.  Her care for my MIL is so sincere that I think my nieces are blessed with a caring mum, such a loving person. Who cares if she is not perfect, she’s the perfect daughter in law I can tell you that.

Usually one sibling shoulders more if not most of the caregiving burden for the parents. In hubby’s case, my BIL took most of the responsibility (99.99%) and I never seen arguements and I never seen siblings driving each other crazy for the responsibility. Its a blessing to the family. Its the strong family values that avoided the rivalry of who should do what and when thingy. My BIL and his wife as a parents has set a very good example for their children I believe.

The question of responsibility is not over. Thank God both my parents are still alive. Thanks to my sister for buying all those vitamins for my parents to keep illnesses away. What if one day, when my parents need around the clock care.  Can my sister handle the responsibility?  She has 2 lovely children and it will put so much stress to her family, even worst if the husband isn’t supportive enough. Will I be flying excuses to avoid the responsibity? Will I be able to care and nurse my parents when they need me? Will my brother able to take care of my parent too? Can anyone agree to the arrangement? How about Father and Mother, how would they feel? Hows the transition will be, any teamwork?  Is the family ties strong enough and not tear apart? Usually the younger child always refer to the elder one for guidance, also usually if not the eldest  there will be one stronger family member who will drive the siblings to do the right thing.

The question : Who is taking the role of Financial support, who can be the chauffeur, caregiver, health advocate, maid, errand runner, legal surrogate, driver, counsellor, the motivator. Does the parent raised a filial child?  Will the child sacrifice and love the way the parent has loved them? Only time will tell.

I praise my BIL and his wife for their sacrifices and being able to manage all this with the runaway maid,  3 busy schooling children who are  growing up so fast, enters teenage, years of rebel,  love issues, exams etc. I appreciate my sister for her being patient to our parents and be there for them when they needed and I know I have not done enough for them

Can I wish that my parents will not grow old and have the strongest and best of health? Really long live and mobile, and happy and no illnesses?

Am I a filial child?

Are you a filial child?

Is your love enough?

We all love you……………………

Very recently Hubby and I took leave to go back hometown.

2 months has past since the last we went back to visit my MIL. We tried to go back every month however meetings with contractor during weekends, exam around the corner for  Jess Minn (you should know now my niece staying with us), my father recent cataract treatment and myself going for exam delays our travel till that long.. fuhh

There’s no good timing or bad timing for what we planned going back this last weekend was God giving us the chance to be able to see my MIL  and be there for her when she needed us the most. We got back on Friday and my MIL was hospitalised for a series of virus infection that has spread all over her body. The doctor diagnosed her with pneumonia and she has difficulty to breath.

Everyone was there for her, All her children was back at hometown for the weekend, including grandchildren and we prayed hard for her to recover and for God to show mercy to her and not let her suffer – we are so helpless.  I cried the moment I saw her on the hospital bed, my tears just rolling down and I can’t bear to see her in pain.

The doctor asked us to prepare for the worst. She manage to pull through on Friday and we are relieved for a while. On Saturday we had another scared from the nurse as they informed us that her Oxygen level has dropped and its not improving. Everyone cried and the eldest niece Jess Lynn cried the loudest. Its the first time I saw Hubby cry and I ask him “Are you crying?” both of us shedding tears and Hubby replied “sand got into his eyes” !!!

[background music: Smoke Gets in Your Eyes]

During the 3 days going back and forth to the hospital, I can’t help but looking at other patients. There’s this Makcik who was admitted on the same day as MIL, she was living on artificial respiration because the machine is providing her with breath/ oxygen. Both Hubby and I agreed that she has already passed on, the same night the doctor declared she’s dead.

Everywhere I look inside the ward, ailing patients struggling and in pain while the loves one looking on. Helpless and lost. Same happen to us, seeing the pain my MIL going through yet we can’t help her except to ask God to have Mercy on her and put her in the care of the doctor and nurses. Just wish and pray ..

We went to hospital ulang alik until Sunday and my MIL is still too weak to wake up when we call her and tell her we are heading back to KL. I wasn’t sure she is conscious or semi conscious but the medicines and antibiotics that the Dr gave her has showned sign of improvement on her and we are grateful and relieved.

Hope MIL will get well soon!! We’re going back aga

Last Sunday we celebrated Maximus 1 year old birthday celebration at Brozeit in Sunway Pyramid. A day before we went to Brozeit in Midvalley too. Now we are just tired of the meat and will stay away from it for a while.

Maximus was so energetic and happy that day. He laugh alot and have fun playing with hubby throwing tupperware at the restaurant. Capture these photos and absolutely love his smile. Just can’t stop smiling by just looking at his photo. He is so adorable.

Happy Birthday Baby Maximus!! Auntie and Uncle loves you a Lot!!!

One year old is the best age to play with now and surprisingly he likes hubby unlike Aurora who fear him and cried everytime he saw hubby since she is 6 months old. But now she’s used to the uncle already no issue dy.

That same day we celebrate Maximus birthday, hubby also got his Samsung S3 but he have to register a new line at Maxis. Digi line sucks anyway and its time to change. His new toy and not letting me play with it.

At night, I cook Bibimbap my style. It was such a lovely dinner (puji sendiri). Ingredients include, chicken meat (leftover KFC), fresh cucumber, fried crunchy anchovies, Choy sum, prawn with chinese shiitake mushroom, carrots, fried eggs, kimchi and gochujang.  I forgot to put seaweed by the way.

We planned to for oatmeal dinner for the month of June, but from the 1st day of the month we went for Buffet dinner at Red Box, follow by Brozeit at Midvalley, Bibimbap, then Seafood Paella  and Linguinni Vongole at Deautches Gathaus TTDI and then Super big crab from Nilai.

Do you think we can achieve the target this month? Doubt it!! But am still trying.

Too much good food recently, its time to put a stop and eat Oatmeal again and bread. Recent rave was Homebaked Bread and will be ordering it by weekly